Friday I went to IMM to meet up with jaey and a long-lost friend, mx. We had a really long chat that day. Even after jaey went, i ended up chatting with mx for a few more hours until about 10+pm before we set off for home. That night i was sms-ing Eugene since he's a long-lost friend too. Well, cos tracy invited me to a club on saturday night and I thought i wanted some company if i didn't manage to adapt to the club. He's the only possible person to get i guess, but unfortunately, he was stuck in camp for duty and we just ended up chatting. Used to be cheated many times by his sweet talking, only to realise that he did that cos he treated me like a xiaomeimei even though i was his age. Maybe he has matured too early, in terms of drinking and pubbing ya? Upon clarification, he no longer did all the sweet talking as i'm no longer the childish person 1 year ago. The night wind is cold...
Saturday I went over to my grandma's house for dinner. She cooked curry chicken specially for me and I really loved it. At night, I went to Rebel at Clarke Quay. Well, I didn't have tracy's no. and I couldn't contact her. I was really really late cos i left my grandma's house late so i had no idea how to find her other than going into the club and search for her. I got lost at Clarke Quay finding the place but eventually I did. Lady luck was probably looking after me that night as I caught her when she was leaving the club for fresh air.
Singapore club... drinking is of course the norm and there's definitely dancing. Rebel is full of youngsters. They appear old to me but i can see that there are many NSmen too due to their hair. there's really good music too and I seriously loved the music even though i haven't heard most of them. I just chilled out that night till late before heading back. didn't really drink and i was really sober throughout the night.
Sometimes I have really bad dreams about quarrelling with my mum, but I've never had bad dreams about quarrellig with my dad. Maybe in reality, I quarrel a lot with my dad and I vent out that part of frustration in me. I probably have a lot of repressed frustration about my mum which usually appears in dreams. It's really bad and i don't like it but sometimes i wonder why i hate my brother so much. Well, he pisses me off sometimes but my mum may be part of the cause. She doesn't admit it, but she's obviously biased towards him. She calls me by his name mistakenly sometimes but she never calls my bro by my name before. She remembers things that my bro loves but she never remembers things that I love. I love eating fish maw but during dinner today, she didn't even bothered to ask whether I eat that and just assumed that I don't. She bothered to ask my bro and gave him a piece. I felt so neglected at that moment. The next moment, i just kept quiet and took a piece of fish maw myself.
As the length of time in sg grows shorter, i became more and more depressed each day and more sensitive with such issues. I believe that my parents never understood me completely. As they nag more and more each day, the quieter i grew. I began to not even respond to whatever they ask because I don't find a point to. I can gradually relate myself to Jack Neo's movie, I not stupid 2. Each time i watch it, i find myself being able to relate to the issues being touched on in the show. I know that they love me, and I understand why they nag and worry for me. Just that sometimes, I want something more than love - understanding and trust.
