Shall update for my own convenience and to waste my own time.
Just went for a CO practice yesterday and i really enjoyed it even though the standards are not as high as the ones i used to have.
now i'm on youtube and listening to some CO songs like Gu Du Feng Qing and suddenly, i just wondered, wow...i remembered playing the song but i can't remember where i played it. Is it because i played too many songs that i can't remember where i played it or who i played it with? I thought situational cues will help me remember. But i really enjoyed those CO performances i used to have. I joined so many COs, seeking challenge, experience, skills and friends and i never regretted wasting so much time on my own little passion which can only stay at that limited level of competency due to personal limitations.
Now i'm in melb and i'm no longer in a chinese dominated culture. My little desire to immerse myself in the chinese music is rekindled and i really hope that i'll have a chance to keep in touch with the culture. I probably regretted not going for any csco practices last year during my working year. Now i understand the feeling of "appreciating something well when it's taken away from you and appreciating it more when u have the opportunity to possess it again"
While listening to the song Gu Du Feng Qing, i finally recalled playing this song with CSCO. I think i gained a significant amount of experience and fun while with that group whom i'm close to, but not so close to. I'm really afraid of going back and facing my teacher/conductor after "running" away from the orchestra. i really want to go back, even during last year. I just contacted Darrel, the kind senior who's always ready to help me, and apparently still remembers me through facebook. He introduced me to this new CO, chao feng CO, probably the only CO in melb.
Chao Feng reminds me of KBCCCO, which i joined when i was in sec 4. It was a CO full of passionate uncles and aunties and occasionally, some young ppl. We played really traditional CO songs and i guess the standard of the songs weren't enough to satisfy my desire for challenging ones. Now, chaofeng is the only CO and there's no way for me to move on and search for more experienced and skilled COs. It is full of young people, seemingly quite passionate. The only downside is that, there's insufficient people and lack of resources for us to play more challenging songs (aka modern CO songs). At this moment while i'm listening to CO songs through youtube, i just missed home, and missed the companion of my instrument, the chinese music and the company of people whom i had a lot of fun pitting my skills against.
qing shan obviously don't like my competitive nature. I'm just seeking fun out of playing together and pitting skills. I love playing in groups and i dun like solos. This is so that i can enjoy some socialising through an avenue known as chinese music. That's the reason why i don't pick on any downsides of the CO, i've no other options already. That's the only CO, if i don't join, there goes my passion. It's just like how i left my passion of manga back in singapore and i missed it a lot a lot too.
Does anyone understand that? Hopefully.