Dear bloggie,

I hope that my source of support will appear one day before me. I hope that i'll get the signals somehow and I'll learn how to hold on to it. I hope that it'll always be there beside me when I most needed it. I hope that it'll be right beside me for me to lean on, to whine to or to cry on.

I just need one and only support and I hope that it'll belong to only me because I'm such a possessive person.

Apparently, that support hasn't appeared. Bloggie, what do you suppose I should do? Wait, or take the initiative to look for one? The facebook quiz told me that it'll appear when I least expect it. I wonder how true that is. Despite all the consolations i get from people, results just don't occur. Well, consolations are just consolations.

Maybe... one day... maybe

Signing off already bloggie... good night.

Battle of losers - Last one standing

Dear bloggie,

Tower 12 lost the battle of losers because i didn't manage to stay inside the battle long enough =.= Oh well, didn't expect myself to win when there's a guy left behind in the dodgeball game. haha =) My ankle has been nice to me. It has healed extremely fast and allowed me my last game in dodgeball.

Anyway bloggie, I stayed up really late last night again. I've got really bad sleeping habits. First, ended up chatting in the kitchen cos I wanted to steal some of toto's fritters. Then I started studying late. Then I went to the fishbowl to study, and ended up chatting with people there. i) sam + toto ii) eshan. Had a really long chat with eshan for the 2nd time about our histories. I obviously wouldn't reveal his history here yea but it was really interesting. We've quite a few things in common, like the things i experienced lately.

Bloggie, I'm trying to stay positive and bear less grudges. I'm trying to be less evil and only be mean in a joking sense. It'll take me some time to change but I'll try to work hard towards that goal. I'd love some emotional support along the way but it'd be difficult to find one who has the time and money and patience.

Oh ya, before the fishbowl chat, i was chatting on msn with a particular somebody, whom i've decided to give up on. It's the first time we had such a long msn chat. Usually, he's slow to respond and i'll get so tired of it. Then he probably became concerned when I told him about my problems. He's willing to become my counsellor, but did he say it just because he's nice? He'll really respond if I complained? I shouldn't take his words seriously after deciding to give up.

Thanks for listening bloggie~

i hate myself >.<

I sprained my blardy left ankle again. Dammit. I was walking walking and piiuuuuu~ sprained. zzz... I was still thinking about going to the korean shop to do some shopping before taking the bus back to Chiz. So sadddd.... First 5 mins = hysteria! I didn't feel like i could move my ankle then i started sobbing frm the pain. haha.

anyway, went to see a doc to enhance healing. Apparently, unlike chinese sinseis, the western docs dun do much other than sit there and prescribe med. I remember how those sinseis torment me when they twist my ankle and rub ointment on it. this doc? He was soo blardy tired he didn't even seem concerned at all with wad went wrong. He really has bad attitude towards weak. End of appt = anti-inflammatories recommended (not even prescribed) + use ice packs. LOL! find it completely useless to see him manz or maybe i was being overparanoid. Oh well, i shall let my dear little ankle rest now.

Okok... i'm updating.

Heehee, i have been lazy to access blogger ever since i installed mozilla on my comp. Mozilla blocks my access to many websites which is quite crap. Anyway, clinicals were over since 1 week ago. I felt so good when it ended because that means I didn't have to wake up at 5am on AM shifts. Just imagining I'll have to repeat this in the future >.< Anyway, i'm prepared. As compared to my previous clinicals at aged care, i think i preferred the med-surg clinicals much more. I didn't exactly look forward to the end and I was enjoying it most of the time. That's a good sign!

After that I was really really free. I took my whole weekend off to relax and do random stuff. Actually, I don't have much to update. I have no lessons currently, and i just converted into a half-mugger.

And oh yea, i just fell in love with marinating chicken and pork with all kinds of sauces and experimenting them in the oven or on the frying pan. Charsiew pork went well. The chicken turned out to be salty most of the time even though i just used LKK teriyaki marinade. Maybe i should try teriyaki pork the next time. Craving for pork after half a year of chicken >.< i should buy more pork the next time round.

I love CO practices when there are many many people around. It's so much more fun. Obviously, i love it more when there are many many people in my section so that we can talk and laugh while playing. I still remember how we were joking about the songs and playing styles last week during practice. ahh... I hope today's practice will be good =D

About my drama life, i've started watching delightful girl choonhyang, and going to start on mei-chan no shitsuji next. Going to watch cinderella man after mei-chan. I want more episodes of family outing (this korean reality show)! Family outing just cheers me up whenever i feel moody. Timing is now!

So tired

After a full week of clinicals, i'm so tiredd already. All i did was, go work, come back, relax, and sleep. I didn't even make use of time properly to do some work like my assignments and my case studies because i was too tired to do them. I tried listening to lectures but i fell asleep right in front of my laptop. i really lack sleep and i really need them!! It's really not easy to do a PM shift, arrive back at 10pm, and having to wake up the next dae at 5am for the AM shift. woooshhh... Luckily i cooked in advance so i wasn't too preoccupied with cooking. My dear floormate also volunteered her cooking service to help me feel less tired =D I crammed the rest of my work on fri night, sat and sun. It's really not easy!! I shouldn't cram >.<

I experienced a lot this week during clinicals but i wouldn't talk much about it here due to privacy issues. All i can say is, there are happy times and sad times.

Sat was an emo day yea.
Spent quite a bit of my assignment-doing time listening to emo ppl. Listening to too much emo stuff made me a bit emo. I'm not emo enough to cry. There's nothing making me depressed at the moment but i just don't feel like smiling. I want a hug but then i don't know who to approach. i wonder who will actually listen to what i say, understand what i say, accept what i say and give me a bigbig bear hug. i admit that i'm a really talkative person, a partial exhibitionist, and attention-seeker. I know those flaws and i'm trying not to manifest too much of that. However, sometimes, i just need someone to really just focus on listening to what i've to say even if i'm just repeating what i've said. I wonder if there would be someone, who'd put down all other preoccupations like schoolwork and sacrifice that bit of time just to focus on listening to me. haha! i think that "someone" exist but i'm not willing to approach yea...

I miss my sg fwens...

After watching all the japanese kids dancing hiphop on youtube, i got hooked to their dance songs. ROFL! In love with Champion by Psy now. It's a really cool, but game-like, korean song. Trying to listen to more BigBang songs but i guess i'm still stuck on Tohoshinki now.

Ohya! Found another eye-candy! rofl... i was walking back from the library back to Chisholm when i saw this jap-looking guy coming out from Menzies. I thought he was the eye-candy i met from the badminton competitions. I stared at him for some time while walking but i realised that yea, it's freaking ppl out. I continued walking and i thought, maybe i can turn around and look one more time (you don't get to see that many eye-candies in non-jap country). Omg! he was looking at my direction too >.< *blushes* I quickly avoided eye contact yea. I think he's completely freaked out by me. So sad he's not in Chiz! Else i can see him more often =)

human nature

I can't avoid analysing people. Obviously, i wouldn't reveal when i do that. I guess i'll do that when i'm being critical with some people. When am i critical then? That's for people to guess. It doesn't seem like a nice thing to do but i guess i was just being cautious. I thought i was complicated enough but it seems like, after some analysis, i found people who are much more complicated than i am. It's interesting to discover different sides of people. Maybe those differences make up human nature. Maybe i should take up psychology one day so that what i'm doing will resemble analysing more than judging.

Anzac dae!

Haha...
Had a wonderful Friday. First i woke up at 3pm+! i decided to spoil myself and not set my alarm clock. to think i set a new record! Didn't have much lunch and went about preparing dinner already. I had sambal belachan baked fish =DD WEeee~~ and my first daikon salad. haha.

Currently in Tman's room trying to motivate him to study. His fren, Daiki, came too. So the 3 of us were supposed to be studying. Well, i did do some assignment work before i started slacking formally at 2am. But i was like... playing DJmax on Tman's psp...listening to songs..chatting while doing my assignment. Tman made steaks for us and omg...my first steak ever since i stepped out of Glenn. =DDD It was like a studying session and jap learning session for me. Now it's 4am and i'm desperately trying to keep myself connected to the internet so that i've msn as a form of entertainment. Cos the jap they are speaking...wakaranai!!! lolz

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY HUIYI!!!

This line is specially dedicated to you. I love you so much obaa-chan!! now u r formally an adult =D wish u all the best and enjoy your dae dear!

lalala

Just back from Adelaide!
It's been a long time since i last updated this blog. Now I just feel like typing something crappy here. Many things happened since last fri...
Good Fri: had dinner with sue. She made her delicious marinated pork for me to eat. SLuuurPs! then we watched Secret in my room. Ahhhh... It's a beautiful movie with beautiful scenery and a beautiful plot. I love the piano duel! It's just so amazing!
Sat: Went out to Docklands with sue n co. Too many names to type >.< Docklands... isn't a harbour omg. I tot it was a harbour. I was quite shocked to see the shopping area but it's a really nice place with the rising star in the background. Haha. Too bad the wheel wasn't operating that day for some reason else we might've taken it. Well, i've no intention of taking any ferris wheel as big as the SG flyer. Intense fear for heights ever since the sg flyer saga occurred. We went shopping and then we started photowhoring. We took a whole lot of jumping photos and my arms ached a lot by the end of the dae. Then we had korean bbq at night! It was sooo nice. I like the idea of being able to refill the sidedishes because they taste good and i can fill my stomach wif inexpensive stuff =P
Oh yea... ever since good fri night, the college's internet connection DIED like completely. Since it was an easter weekend, no comp labs were available for use. I can't even access the intranet. I did die quite a bit for my assignments. The internet connection prolly only recovered on tues when i set off for adelaide. We were all sooooo bored staying in college.
Tues to thurs qingshantracy and i went to Adelaide for our full 3-day trip!!
Tues: We arrived at adelaide really early. We joined a day tour for that day. We went to Handhorf, river murray, some shops at McLaren Vale and blahblah... The driver wasn't talking much so it was quite boring on the bus. I was falling asleep. River Murray was quite nice but we didn't get to see much of it. I think we spent more time taking photos than actually admiring the scenery.
Wed: Kangaroo Island!! and we didn't contact any kangaroos. haha. I managed to see a koala though that was hiding in the trees. We went to see the Admiral Arch, Seal Bay, Remarkable Rocks, Birds of Prey show and had a good lunch. The seals were soooooo cute!! omgomgomg. I feel like hugging one >.< Then we spent a long time posing and taking photos at the remarkable rocks. I actually got to touch a kookaburra at the birds of prey show. Unlike the jurong bird park one, there wasn't much music and action but we get to contact the birds. The kookaburras were soooo cute!! Apparently, if they were on your arm and you moved them around, their heads will still stay in place at the same spot. For eg. if u moved up and down, it'll seem as if they are bobbing their heads. It was sooo uber funny!!! and because there were 2 kookaburras doing the same thing, it was even mroe funny!
Thurs: We went around the city most of the time. We visited Haigh's choc factory. Interesting to know that even high-class chocolates were produced by mass production machines. In the city, we just went to the park near River Torrens and started taking photos at some wall art in front of Hyatt Hotel in Adelaide. Rofl!
Dear jaey, i enjoyed my Adelaide trip =) Thanks! Hope you enjoyed ur horseriding too.

Sometimes my heart gets confused. Obviously I don't like that feeling but i can't help it for that few seconds when the impact comes. How I wish I can verify everything and end the confusion.

Emo sat

Yes... saturday has been a bad day for me. I wonder how many realised but there has been so many triggers to it. My mind went blank after chatting with Tim and Xin outside my door and in the kitchen. I just sat outside my door at the corridor, not knowing what to do. The first thing that came into my mind was to call someone. I called Eugene. He didn't pick up the first time so I tot he was busy. I went around the corridors mindlessly, not knowing what to do. I ended up in front of my room, scrolling through the list of phone numbers. I don't have many sg numbers in my phone. So I called Eugene again and he picked up. It's kinda funny. When i'm really down and I call someone, i don't end up talking. I usually break down and start crying. Couldn't say anything to eugene and i kept crying. Xin discovered me crying at the corridors a while later. I guess that was when I went into my room to hide. Xin went to her bf later since i wasn't talking. Went to the piano room to chill (sorry sueling, i lied to you). Playing the piano soothed my blank mind even though i still had crying spells. I guess I still wanted to call someone else. I couldn't think of anyone else on my phone list. I didn't want to trouble you again cos u seem to be busy with your friends. I didn't want you to reach the awkward situation where u leave ur friends to tend to a crying person. Maybe i should save more sg numbers.

Little Korean Couple comic

weekend

It has been an emo weekend. I've been emo and my floormates have been affected by my emo-ness. We were talking about really serious issues in the kitchen >.< Think i was already emo on friday night? I can't seem to recall what I did that night. Movies with toto and faezah? yea i did... homerun and army daze. Sibei tanchia... i love ahbeng in that show! he's so funny. Then we watched this really gay youtube video with a guy dancing nobody. omgomgomg! i was laughing my teeth out. Then came saturday... i had my usual marketing trip just that i overspent. Then, eshan treated to some really good indian food. i'm sorry i can't remember what it's called. Think there were cottage cheese - indian version in it. Tasted like tofu. Then we had roti (garlic and chilli flavoured) with the gravy. Slurrrps! Then i went to bake cookies. It was my virgin attempt! Tried to correct the texture of the cookies. For my first tray, my cookies all got stuck together after they expanded. 2nd tray went really well. I'm gonna try again this coming weekend! While i was cooking dinner... had chat sessions with xin, tomatoman and kajima. Earth hour! i spent my earth hour eating desserts by py and faezah and watching mind ur language! so funnnniieeeee! I joined my floormates shortly after i finished the desserts before earth hour ended. It was really cool when all my floormates came out and everyone just chatted at the corridor. We went maccas after that on nat's and jen's car. Weirdly, i met peifen, grace and susan there. LOL! We just hung around maccas for a while and headed back. I had a drive on nat's car. It had no power steering so it was really difficult turning. cool! i didn't noe how to operate an auto car so kajima did it for me. At night... i continued my emo-ing. rofl! Sunday...spent most of my time hibernating. tomatoman dyed his hair at night and he's officially known as mr brown now =) xin cooked daekbeoggi and i ate some. We played those stupid waterbottle, bangbang games at the dining table with the rest. it was quite fun seeing everyone trying to guess. Toto also showed us his similar thai versions of the games and seriously, i can't guess his =.=

Sometimes I don't understand why certain people can do things certain ways. Either i) obviously we are different so we do things differently ii) i dun understand that person at all OR iii) i understand but i refuse to accept things that way. I've no idea whether i should continue being nice or be direct and go around hurting people. It hurts myself to carry out the former all the time, like knives stabbing through my heart. I guess you don't know.

overwhelmed

Represented Chisholm for badminton. Hid the thing for some time until the last moment before i left my room, i put it on my msn nick. Then again, there were nice friends who came to support me. I'm really appreciative of that =) Thanks guys! Even though i lost both matches in the end, luckily we win overall due to the points accumulated. I think i felt really sore about losing cos we lost by 1 point after 3 matches. Interesting thing was, i played with a girl who's totally like chen liying! i was like omgomgomg. haha! so funnie... I loved wearing the uniform. so nice! So nice when i battled glenn. I used to be such an anti-social person in glenn, then there i am in an inter-college competition battling my ex-college, representing another college. Irony!

After the competition, i just chilled out with the poddies in my kitchen area. Probably the red bull effect caused us to chat till nearly 1am. then abdu and yongxin joined us. I probably chatted till about 2.20am?

Anyway, guys are seriously much stronger than girls. That's so unfair. They can be skinnier than us but be much stronger than us. I used 2 hands to battle 1 guy hand during arm wrestle and i still lost. roooaaarrr...

I'm really thankful for the friends around me who never shun me when i'm upset. Sinking into slight depression lately but somehow, i managed to cheer up with nice friends around me. I really appreciate that! At the end of the day, i feel like i can persist through this difficult period of time with you guys around. Maybe i'll have my downs again, but i'll try to be strong =)

Updates!

I'm so tired. I'm practically losing sleep every single day doing all sorts of things. I think my life has been rather fulfilling so far, just that i lack time to make it more fulfilling.

i) watched several movies with different people. Finally finished Saw IV and V with the poddies! I don't have to worry about having no company anymore when watching saw.

ii) having fun with my floormates and doing lots of weird stuff eg. climbing walls. We spend a substantial time during dinner and post-dinner to chit-chat about all sorts of stuff. usually we just end up "playing". Today, we were having fun with korean languages eg. kajima~ bobohejo~ LOL! then i showed off some words i took of jdramas =P Went to abdu's room to write on his London shirt and drew some rubbish. Not forgetting to mention having meals with the old chisholm gang =) they just cook beautifully. when can i reach that standard? I'm still at the edible-only standard.

iii) participated in some chisholm events but not all of course. Went for skippies which is like this drinking thing. You pay 5 bucks to get a cup and 5 drinks (which is a concoct of various alcoholic drinks). Apparently it wasn't that nice. I didn't buy of course, and i ended up playing volleyball with a soccer ball and i enjoyed that a lot. Went for the badminton tryout sessions and loved the free games i got from using the courts. Going for the competition against menzies and glenn tomorrow! Then i joined the eng language class for fun too =P

iv) played ultimate frisbee again! should do it more frequently before the cold weather sets in. It was fun but i hated being defended by sam. He's just this huge wall in front of me. i just feel helpless.

v) enjoying myself attempting different styles of cooking. Cooked in masses and omg... they last me for days =D I've got records of pasta, soba, jap curry, egg soup. Still below normal standards but i shall take some time to practise =) Going to attempt baking cookies one dae!

vi) went for CO again in the city! When i first stepped in, i thought everyone forgot the friendship we once have. after practice, we talked as if we knew each other for years! it was really heartwarming to have such nice people and friends around. YESH! i got to play erhu again! i feel so rusty. Maybe it's me or maybe it's just the instrument. haha!

More personality tests!

Five-question personality test

Here is the analysis:
Your ideal mate has a sense of humor and is lively. (yay!! exactly!)
You always compare yourself with others. You make your wishes too difficult to come true.
No effort, no success. That's your attitudes towards success.
Can a woman be president? You will answer no to this question. (that's not true! im a partial feminist!)
You are emotional, sincere and optimistic.

HAha! ok! i shall not bore people with more personality tests. How interesting... the way people formulate the quizzes. Obviously they are not that accurate. These few days have been relatively tiring for me.
Wed: moved my stuff
Thur: northland after school
Fri: city shopping at many places
Sat: Moomba + shopping
Sun: Moomba + shopping
AHhh...i seriously spent too much to settle down. haha! but i really enjoyed the experience of lugging 20 - 50kgs worth of stuff back to my room. Anyway, the birdman rally was seriously funny! i love the batman guy and his umbrella which probably broke the moment he dropped into water.

I'm so tired now. It's interesting how I can make friends that easily through the virtual world. To stereotype the virtual world's ppl, they are just up to no good. Sometimes, i can just find a few that can click with me and we can eventually become good friends, or chatting partners. It's difficult to know who to trust, and who not to though. Then again, that's how i got to know other people, trustworthy or not. To me, it's an experience and avenue to know new people. To others, it may just be a dangerous fake world. Whatever it is, as long as I don't endanger myself, and as long as i feel happy chatting with them (even if they were faking their responses), im happy =)

Online quiz - knowing myself

Quiz 1

Your view on yourself: You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. (lol seriously? i do?)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes. (the first 2 statements are right but the last statement is soo wrong!)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship. (yepyep!!)

The seriousness of your love: Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. (ROFL! thanks... i've 0 dates)

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can. (yup!)

The right job for you: You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life. (HAHA! that's what i'm doing now, partially)

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous. (not sure about this...)

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you. (hmmm....)

Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
(Hopefully, i don't have that much dilemmas >.<)

Personality test 2

If your birthday is on the 16th day of the month
You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart. Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make your dream comes true. (hmmz... sounds like me... but then again, i don't think it's that true)

Your Love
You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at first sight is not your style. (this is soooo me!)


Horoscoping

Traditional Taurus Traits
Patient and reliable (dunno leh?)
Warm-hearted and loving (hmmm...rofl!)
Persistent and determined (this is true!)
Placid and security-loving (yepyep, agree!)
Jealous and possessive (this is sooo true!! haha!!)
Resentful and inflexible (resentful ya... but inflexible..hmmz)
Self-indulgent and greedy (im greedy =D)


Friendship

You value your friendships: 70%
You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.
(ohh... i didn't know i was this scary. Then again, every statement mentioned in the test, i could really relate it to myself. Hopefully...the nuisance part isn't factual for me. If it is, then i shall accept it then =) )


Another psychological test

You are easy to understand. (really?)
How ambitious you are depends on the height that you answered, which is: Top. (lol!)
You try to please everyone, the size of this personality as seen by others is medium. (lol! i nv knew that!)
Glass means fragile personality. (awww... but i guess yea)
You are also down-to-earth. (i'm practical)
You are an opportunist.
Your best friend is the one you need when you are in trouble. (dear friends, thanks for all the help you've given in my life!)


The Animal Test

Here is the analysis:

A kind of person you will be attracted to in a real life situation is those who are unbridled and free
In the process of courtship, the approach that makes you feel irresistible is being straightforward, and having your partner speak directly.
The impression you'd like to give to your lover is loyal and faithful.
One reason that would make you break up with your partner is his or her being ruthless, cold-blooded or ironic.
The kind of relationship you'd like to build with your partner is one where you can talk about everything and anything. No secrets are kept. (yea manz...)
Would you commit adultery? Society and morality worry you. You wouldn't do anything wrong after marriage.
About marriage, you think marriage is a precious thing. Once you get married, you'll treasure your partner very much.
About love, at this moment, you don't want to be tied by a steady relationship. You just want to flirt. (lol seriously!! wad's this!)

I didn't noe i sounded so interesting.

Finally settled down in my room. I think i just love having lotsa stuff in my room. Maybe it just makes me feel that I'm less deprived.
These few days, i've been keeping myself busy with shopping for lots of necessities. I lacked most stuff last year since my college was a catered one. I was so busy shopping for food items, sauces, and cooking equipment. I just love shopping for these things. I had a weird hobby to start with; touring the supermarket. I think i spent a bomb >.< I can't imagine how many KGs of stuff I've lugged home since thursday. All I know is, I've a bad shoulder-ache now frm carrying all those heavy stuff.

Went Moomba today with jaey early in the morning. We went past Fed Square only to see some Sri Lankans having a silent protest. I didn't exactly see what's going on but apparently, I saw some signboards with "Tamil Eelam". Deja Vu eh? from social studies. I really wanted to try the rides at the carnival. They looked so tempting! Tried a few games at the festival and I won back a husky =) Not a big one though. Jaey got a similar one too =) Mine's called fuzzie and hers is called Scruffy/scruffie however she wanna spell it. weee! then we photowhored with our darlings.

I managed to steal a recipe from amanda; her spring onion pancakes. haha! quite a fulfilling day todae.

Ever since i came melbourne, i never had a good day.
I wonder how i should define...a good day. First i reached Chisholm, only to realise that im not on the check-in list. Eventually i got into my place. There's bound to be some flexibility. Then, I went over to Glenn to visit some old friends, only to realise that i can't access my stored items which were locked in a storeroom of an east unit. It was alright being unable to access my items.

As time passes, and after school has started, more problems came by and i find myself getting more distressed trying to solve all these problems. First, it's about an irritating person which i'm unable to get rid of with my own power. Secondly, until today, im still unable to get my stuff out of that locked room. I wonder whether i should blame myself for that or blame someone else. I had no trouble finding people to move my stuff, but i had real trouble getting that room opened for like 20mins to get my stuff out. I can't start cooking, i can't start living properly without my essentials. Who in the hell is able to survive on a luggage bag full of stuff? It's not like i'm on a tour group. I managed to get by these few days but i can't tolerate any more delays. I wonder if anyone actually understands how distressed i am over this issue. Everyone's busy, but it's not as if im not busy even though i've just started school. I've got my own commitments too. It's tiring to be tied down by other people.

Here comes more work to do. A tutor just confused us with our groupings for various assignments. We've no idea what topics we r choosing for what assignments. It's more distressing now.

My chilli crab

Yay! i finally had my chilli crab at Kallang Airport. So delicious! I feel that it's nicer than the previous time i went there. ahhh... so gonna miss the chilli.

I finally met up with Aishah and Ashley yesterday at NHC area. We went houseman canteen for lunch. It changed so much! the food became so much more expensive. I wanted to but some salad prawns with rice but this horrible stethoscope man was standing there and blocking the way/queue. zzz... fancy a stethoscope in a canteen. Where's the infection control?? I was happily chatting with the self-proclaimed old women about all sorts of things. Even though time was short, it was a nice experience for me.

Anyway, i went to donate blood after the meeting since bloodbank's in the area. I nearly failed my blood iron test!! My blood didn't sink when the nurse tested it. I had no fear this time when the nurse pricked my fingertip to get my blood, that's probably cos i had too much of that during NSG1FUn. HAHA! Then came the real part... The injection was horrible but i could see a bulge at my skin area. She probably injected into the subcutaneous region? Then came the thick needle... The nurse pushed it in like really deep in and i could feel it. omg >.< It hurts... but doesn't hurt as much as Aust's one. In aust, they don't even anaesthesize my arm area. Free gifts i got for selling blood: a pin and a new stress ball =D

Monday

So today's the day when i meet bun once again after 1 year. haha.
We arranged to meet at Liang court to have my favourite okonomiyaki at Botejyu. Before that, i went to Carrefour to shop for some mass-production clothes like FBTs. Omg, the service was horrible. The saleswoman didn't noe what she was selling and she just plain weird. I thought it'd be better if i looked at the stuff myself. I shopped for a hell lot of stuff and i guess im almost done with my shopping list. I think i like mass productions centres =P

Anyway, I was supposed to meet bun late but then, I finished shopping earlier than i expected so I met him at our original designated time at Liang court. Walking past clarke quay reminded me of my clubbing night. Ahhh... Anyway, we got there at Liang Court and I thought Botejyu wasn't opened yet because there seems to be no one around and the kitchen doesn't seem to be operating so we took a walk around. I guess our main aim was to talk rather than to shop. Eventually, we went to Botejyu to check out the opening times, only to realised that there's simply no one there but it's opened. haha!

I had a prawn Okos, and bun had a moonlight Okos + seafood yakisoba. The noodles do not seem to be soba material. zzz. Anyway, the Okos were amazing. I love them!!! Then bun and i just spent the rest of the night chatting away at Botejyu and at Singapore river. It's still nicer talking face to face than msn.

During the chat, i was so amazed to find out that some "facts" about gangsters, which i heard from a "gangster", were actually true! roarrrr... i think i'm just plain ignorant about the world, or i've been living in a relatively innocent world for too long.

Just updating

Friday I went to IMM to meet up with jaey and a long-lost friend, mx. We had a really long chat that day. Even after jaey went, i ended up chatting with mx for a few more hours until about 10+pm before we set off for home. That night i was sms-ing Eugene since he's a long-lost friend too. Well, cos tracy invited me to a club on saturday night and I thought i wanted some company if i didn't manage to adapt to the club. He's the only possible person to get i guess, but unfortunately, he was stuck in camp for duty and we just ended up chatting. Used to be cheated many times by his sweet talking, only to realise that he did that cos he treated me like a xiaomeimei even though i was his age. Maybe he has matured too early, in terms of drinking and pubbing ya? Upon clarification, he no longer did all the sweet talking as i'm no longer the childish person 1 year ago. The night wind is cold...

Saturday I went over to my grandma's house for dinner. She cooked curry chicken specially for me and I really loved it. At night, I went to Rebel at Clarke Quay. Well, I didn't have tracy's no. and I couldn't contact her. I was really really late cos i left my grandma's house late so i had no idea how to find her other than going into the club and search for her. I got lost at Clarke Quay finding the place but eventually I did. Lady luck was probably looking after me that night as I caught her when she was leaving the club for fresh air.

Singapore club... drinking is of course the norm and there's definitely dancing. Rebel is full of youngsters. They appear old to me but i can see that there are many NSmen too due to their hair. there's really good music too and I seriously loved the music even though i haven't heard most of them. I just chilled out that night till late before heading back. didn't really drink and i was really sober throughout the night.

Sometimes I have really bad dreams about quarrelling with my mum, but I've never had bad dreams about quarrellig with my dad. Maybe in reality, I quarrel a lot with my dad and I vent out that part of frustration in me. I probably have a lot of repressed frustration about my mum which usually appears in dreams. It's really bad and i don't like it but sometimes i wonder why i hate my brother so much. Well, he pisses me off sometimes but my mum may be part of the cause. She doesn't admit it, but she's obviously biased towards him. She calls me by his name mistakenly sometimes but she never calls my bro by my name before. She remembers things that my bro loves but she never remembers things that I love. I love eating fish maw but during dinner today, she didn't even bothered to ask whether I eat that and just assumed that I don't. She bothered to ask my bro and gave him a piece. I felt so neglected at that moment. The next moment, i just kept quiet and took a piece of fish maw myself.
As the length of time in sg grows shorter, i became more and more depressed each day and more sensitive with such issues. I believe that my parents never understood me completely. As they nag more and more each day, the quieter i grew. I began to not even respond to whatever they ask because I don't find a point to. I can gradually relate myself to Jack Neo's movie, I not stupid 2. Each time i watch it, i find myself being able to relate to the issues being touched on in the show. I know that they love me, and I understand why they nag and worry for me. Just that sometimes, I want something more than love - understanding and trust.